i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
