Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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