my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've blown a few things in my day
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
