there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
this boner is exhausting
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
