I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
