I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
