i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
