My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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