Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize