I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
