There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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