Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
