I wanna bring you to show and tell
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize