So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
