Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
