so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
