She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
