I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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