Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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