I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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