the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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