Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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