I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
