u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
