he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
