I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize