that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
