it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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