I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am spending my child support on dildos
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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