I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
