i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
