Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
