Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
