so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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