The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
