apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
