Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
