Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
