Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
