Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
