Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
