The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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