ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
