You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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