My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
