chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize