Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
