I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
