She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
