This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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