it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
