just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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