dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
