Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
