Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
