Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
