my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize