he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
