***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
