and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
