Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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