He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
