its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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