if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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