woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
