I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
