Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
