I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
