I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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