no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
