just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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