do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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