Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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