News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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