I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
PANTIES FOUND
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
