It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
