You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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