I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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