That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
