so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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