I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
