Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
