I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize