and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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