we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
