It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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