I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
