Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
