it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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