Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
