sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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