i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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