Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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