He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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