i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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